10 Things I Hate About Amy
by Rutherfordium
Summary: Oneshot. Rory writes a blog entry dedicated to the ten things he hates most about his red-headed best friend. Rory/Amy. Pre-Doctor.


**Disclaimers: Doctor Who is not mine. My mind is too small to think of the plot twists.**

A/N: I adore Rory. I mean, I love him. Seriously. Before I sound too creepy, here is my first DW fic. I don't think I can write anything too serious; so here is the product of my boredom and lack of serious plot muse. Right, so Rory. I'm sorry I'm mean to you in this fic. But you get the girl in the end!

I haven't put any 6.08 (Mel) in here. She just doesn't exist, here. This is Pre-Doctor. So, yeah. The Doctor's just imaginary for Rory as well. Even though I'll hopefully be putting the lovely Doctor in a fic somewhere. Enjoy! And thanks so much.

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><p><em>The Blog of Rory W.<em>

_Entry 123#_

So, an entry. An entry titled simply: **10 Things I Hate About You. **Amy Pond. Yes, you Amy. I mean, blog. I've told you so much about her. So, no intros required.

**1.**

The first thing I hate about Amelia Pond is the fact that she's a bloody psychopath sometimes.

She jabs at you. Hisses at you. Throws a _table _at you at public Christmas parties (my skull still hasn't fully recovered after that one). She says she hates you one day - and then hugs you the next. She tells you that you're her saviour - and then ditches you afterwards. She likes this for her birthday present - and then has a tantrum when you get it for her. I mean - _will you make up your mind woman? _She also likes to make fun of your career. Yes! Career.

Her reaction when I told her that I wanted to be a nurse?

Milk came out of her nose. _Yes. _Her nose. And then she told me that she had my back a 'thousand' percent.

'Course you do, Amy.

**2.**

The second thing is that she has a really bad sense of humour.

You tell her a joke. She doesn't get it. _Really. _I mean. I hate jokes, but occasionally - when nature calls - you _can _drop the occasional pun.

Like that one time, I had a patient called _Mrs Whitehead _and she had bright red hair. I told her this and told her that I found that rather funny (irony? and all. I don't know, something like that). I mean the Head Nurse & I had a good old chuckle about it. Amy's reaction?

She punched me on the shoulder.

She felt bad afterwards. Told me so. But then she went, "_Sorry Rory. Maybe you should get a better PUNCHline." _She was giggling; I didn't find it funny. She punched my other shoulder.

**3**.

Predictably, the third thing that I hate about Amy is the fact that she likes punching, a lot.

I mean. When I was in Year Four - all the boys in my year were petrified of her. Because of this, Amy always got the most 'Valentines' day letters.

She frightened them to love. _Yes_, it was that bad.

**4.**

Number four? Oh, I dunno. The fact that she is obsessed with a non-existing time-traveller.

I can't be arsed to explain. All I'm revealing is that there's this man in a blue box that she adores. He's a doctor - but not a real one.

I know. It doesn't make sense to me, either.

**5.**

Number cinq (I think that's French. Ugh. I dunno. I'll edit it out later). I hate the fact that Amy doesn't respect a lot people.

Especially people who give her a bit of 'gob'. Just a bit. You know - the road rage kind. I mean - Amy & I went to Blackpool once - just for "fun" (not _that _kind) and I was driving. Got screwed up by a bloke in a fiat as he cuts me off/

She throws a bloody Big Mac at him. I mean a Big Mac?

People don't want that in their toilets; why would they want it all over their car?

Plus. It was mine. _Anyway_, there was a massive exchange of swear words. Lots of - !**&$£%!

We won't go there. But yeah. She tried to give some attitude to the police - but I just paid the fine.

Being the citizen in the situation.

**6.**

Amy hates being wrong. It's _really _annoying.

I mean we are there, watching "Eggheads" and I say, "oh, the author is Elizabeth Gaskell."

And she's all, "No, it's _Hardy_, Rory."

And we bugger each other about for about two minutes before Dermot reveals - ah, Gaskell! I whoop with joy and victory! Give her the whole "cabbage patch of champions" and she just switches the channel.

"Shit show anyway." She mutters.

OH MY GOD. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?

**7.**

Seventh thing I hate about her; she loves winning!

There we are, playing tennis with my friends from work - Hector and Molly. Hector wears glasses. Molly has never played tennis.

I told her to _take it easy. _Amy nods and smiles. I suddenly wish I never asked her when we start the game.

An hour and a half later - we've won every game. Every set. Every non-existing tie break.

I mean. She pummelled them. I _tried _to give the others leeway - missing shots, ducking in front of Amy and dropping my racket. Sort of - to keep the game fair.

Amy threw her racket at me. Told me to "keep my head in the game". I told her that this wasn't sodding Wimbledon.

She just gives me her winning face; "Only Jesus says it isn't!" She growls.

I just. Speechless. I apologize to Hector and Molly in the end. Amy is there, stretching.

"Rematch?" She proposes.

I think I heard a pin drop.

**8.**

Number eeeiiiiight? Amy loves keeping things to last minute.

Everything. I mean - my birthday this year?

She _forgot _to wrap up my present. Had a spasm. Cute, one mind you. I told her I didn't mind.

She cried.

**9.**

And another thing, Amy can make you feel _so _guilty - even if you'd done nothing.

I mean, spending time with her is like riding on a perpetual guilt-trip. Everytime I see her -

I just garble, "Sorry!" knowing that I'm doing something wrong already. She says it's nothing.

But then she's there, muttering something about my jumper and the way my hair's been done.

"I haven't done anything to it!" I protest.

"_That's _why it's crap Rory!" She gawps back, giggling.

"No wonder why no dashing girl's snapped you up!"

Ah, this lovely statement leads me on to my favourite. The final point.

**10.**

The tenth, most despicable thing about Amelia Pond is the fact that she is oblivious to the most _obvious _thing in the universe.

She can't see that I am wholly, entirely, _completely _in love with everything about her.

Despite the fact that I have spent my life basically attached to her. Admiring her. _Drooling _after her (sometimes). Praising her. Making her laugh. Making her cry. Taking her to parties. Organizing birthdays. Everything.

I taught her how to drive. Helped her pass her A-Levels. Gave her money when she needed it.

Drove to sodding _Portsmouth _when she ran out of money at THREE AM in the morning. I was on a night-shift okay? A night-shift.

And I left okay? I lied (said some crap about my poor Grannie Lola having an emergency) just so I could take her drunk arse away from Southampton.

I never ask for anything, you know. Sometimes, I don't even get a thank you. I do _everthing _just because of how much she means to me.

And you know what? If she was stuck in Australia - lost. Thirsty. I would bloody fly there, just so I can make sure she's okay.

I know.

I'm crazy. I've fallen for a total _weirdo _who's going to tear me apart when she's angry and make my life a living hell when she's not.

I mean. I swear, she thinks I'm gay. Gay. That's how little she knows about my affection for her. She keeps giving me numbers of people. Male sometimes. It's creepy. It really is.

But you know, she's more than that. There's so much that I love about Amy Pond.

_A Quick 10 things I love about Amy._

**1. **Her smile; the way it curves and the way her overbite looks. She hates it. I think it's really, rather cute.

**2. **Her laugh. It's adorable.

**3. **Her eyes. They're gorgeous. Honest. Brown. Loving.

**4. **The way that she will never be disloyal to you. The fact was (you may find this _very _hard to believe... ha) that I was sorta bullied at school. I mean people thought I was an idiot for hanging around with Amy. People thought I looked funny. Called me names. Called me stupid. Dissed my family. _Etcetera. _But she always stood up for me.

Yes, she may join in the jokes sometimes.

But she always had my back.

**5. **Five? The way her sense of humour is so shit, it makes your day.

**6. **I'd say that she's the most beautiful girl I know. Outside. And a little bit of inside too, occasionally when she tries. Ha, I'm joking.

**7. **The fact that she's so caring. Yeah, I know she doesn't seem it. But she is. She'd try and give you the mouth-to-mouth even if she doesn't know how to - just to save your life.

**8**. She knows how to give you a good time. In a non-dirty, way of course.

**9. **She'll always try and cheer you up; sometimes even without the addition of alcohol.

**10. **And ten?

She's the most wonderful, most real person I know.

And I pray, that someday she'll understand how much I've loved her.

Rain or shine; I swear to God, she'll be mine.

Wow.

How crap, am I?

Scratch that. Just. Fingers crossed, that someday - she'll understand that whenever I comment about her new shirt...

It's not because I'm _gay._

It's because I notice. I've _always _noticed.

Fingers crossed, okay?

I'll keep you, posted.

_Rory._


End file.
